Sweet Nectar of Freedom - A revisit..

This was what I wrote earlier in my Sweet Nectar of Freedom....
" Talk about 'complete'.., am I any less than those guys who have their significant other by their side..? I don't know!, but you figure this out – I don't have to think of the 'right' place to eat, the right thing/color to wear, the right time to go home, the right place to be..in fact I don't have to be right at all, or even proper - not to anybody..(I know..i sound like a sore loser) but the real truth is, I'm just plain bad at being 'complete'. I dont remember birthdays, I don't care about Feb 14, and I hate those rules and conditions. I really don't understand about rules and conditions and I don't want to understand them. They are just some of the irritating things expected of you, when somebody think you belong to them, yes it is annoying. So for 2006 and years and years to come, I don't want to belong to anybody and I don't want anybody to think that I belong to them…and yes I don't want anybody to belong to me either. I hate the prospects, really. I belong to me, now and forever.."

So, that sounds like I dont need the world eh!. Sounds like somebody just walked away from me, sounds like denials even, sounds like Arsene Whinger LOL..
Yeah, maybe I do revisits afterall and I do whatsthatword..? where you look back, at least once a year and try to figure out if you are still on track.., recollection..? reminisce..? No..not romancing-the-past word..
Well nvm, but the point is I was hard on myself, I was stupid, I was empty, I was building unnecessary brickwall, I was spontaneous and I wasn't thinking - it was something out of the blue. The fact is, we have to belong, no man is an island, never on this planet. Everybody needs somebody..it is part and progression of life. Hey I love woman and I love life..BUT
I still hate the prospect of 'belonging', the cultural template of making your partner feel good and validated, and the prospect of going back and going thru..Arrrgghh!
Somehow in times like this..(Hari raya) you do look back and think whether life could have been more..sigh! I could have easily said that my real raya is actually the Ramadhan..and it is! but it's not complete, I want more and I'm sure there's more..

Rasa very earthly...

OK..It's Sat, for sure I'm not here to write abt some mind boggling question of whether time exist or not or whether time is just a measurment for motion. I'm not here to be drawn into any hypotheticalities either - like whether 9/11 would still be what it was had Bush not been the President of USA...OR whether noise during sex....(o O O bulan poser...), yeah..why not! what is the acceptable noise duing sex (level or kind..)...
Hoho..that's not what I want to say in here..wait, allow me to divert kejap, I was born on Sunday..Asfiza kata, dlm buletin dia on Hari-hari dalam Islam " Hari Ahad ada lah hari Allah mencipta dan membangunkan bumi.." - the very day dia cipta dan bangunkan I jugak.. so Dizz, Liz, Fiza..kalo u nak someone earthly..
Damn..apa yang i nak tulis kat sini tadi.., hang on, the Arabs are killing each other now..Palestine vs Hamas, Syiah vs Sunnah, penat jer I bersimpati dgn dorang,,,bakar bendera orang tu, bakar bendera orang ni, tau tau jer..mamat ni tembak mamat tu, mamat tu pulak bom mamat ni..agak nyer dorang ni, kalo idop tak meletop-letop, tak kental kot.
Takpe la, nanti i ingat apa yg i nak tulis tadi..i tulis balik..
for now..i nak gi beli kuih kat pasar ramadan jap...(mesti Dizz meleleh air liur dgr bazar ramadan..) LOL!

Inheritance of ........

The Oslo Natural History Museum concludes that: Homosexuality cannot be viewed as 'unnatural' as it is found throughout the animal kingdom and therefore it is not against nature...
Hmm..so we now turn to the animals for that ray of lights eh...* sigh *
Between naked men and naked women..? no animal kingdom can ever change my mind... LOL!

Patut nyer dorang beraya.....

erm..ok, maybe ethically Mahathir crossed the line, just maybe...tapi dah ramai bapak2 menteri dan kuncu2 nyer yang suruh Mahathir keluar je dari UMNO dan ada jugak yg cadang tarik balik jawatan2 dia. Dorang kata Mahathir dah melampau, dah terlalu celupar. Dorang kata, tak patut Mahathir tuduh mcm2, sbb dulu masa time dia. takde saper pun yang berani cakap apa2 - sumer org takut.
Hmm..apa yg dorang cakap nih..? Takut sgt ker dorang ngan Mahathir dulu..? Takut kene hukum bunuh..? tak kan la tak ikut cakap Mahathir sampai boleh kene bunuh kot..Takut apa lagi..? Takut hilang jawatan..? Hilang kemewahan..?, sampai sanggup buat mende2 yg salah..? or sampai sanggup pejam mata pada mende2 yg tak betul..? semata2 kerana takut..? Apa jadi dgn slogan 'for the people'..? Ke dorang ni takut pasal dorang pun ada buat salah kot..? Whatever..at least mahathir buat apa yg dia rasa betul..but these people..? Urrgh!!
And now they want me to trust them.....
Pasal meeting dia ngan Pak Lah, apasal sumer org marah2 bila mahathir 'tak sabar' tunggu pak lah bagi respon..? Dorang cakap, kan ke pak lah dah tulis sumer dlm buku kecik dia, tunggu jer la...
Tapi.....isu2 yg mahathir bagitau kat pak lah tu bukan la isu2 baru...dia dah lama bangkitkan isu2 tu di merata tempat, termasuk la dlm media2, dlm roadshow, dlm mcm2 lagi..dan sumer org pun dah tau apa isu2 itu...tapi cara pak lah amik nota, mcm that was the first time dia dgr sumer tu...and all mahathir got at the end of the meeting was another 'I'll get back to you..' Personally la, I rasa kalo takat nak bagi dia another i'll get back to you, tak yah la susah2 nak adakan meeting, buang masa jer. Toksahkan mahathir, i sendiri pun rasa disappointed with the outcome of that meeting..
I ingat lagi..o O O dulu, masa mahathir cakap ada conspiracies dlm perang Iraq, dalam 9/11, dlm hal2 Palestine - most western powers kata his theories were outrageous, despicable and extreme. But no matter..he stood by his claims because he believes. In fact, most Muslim world stood by him and we..? we cheered his outspokenness, with full of pride.
Now..when he made another stand for what he believes, kita kata dia gila lah, pembelot lah, tak sedar diri lah, nyanyok lah, merepek lah, nak jatuhkan negara lah.....apa!? nak jatuhkan negara..?? sampai mcm tu kita tuduh dia..?
Hey...apa salah nyer dia mempersoalkan tindakan2 kerajaan? Adakah sebarang persoalan terhadap tindak tanduk kerajaan, membayangkan ketidaksetiaan kita pada negara..? Cetek betul....
And just because dorang takut nak mempersoalkan tindakan dia dulu, does not mean dia jugak tak boleh or tak patut mempersoalkan tindakan dorang sekarang....mathematics dia tak mcm tu...
And yet, dengan tak pelat kita bercakap tentang open and intellectual discussions, tentang ketelusan, tentang perbezaan pendapat, tentang good governance...
Actually, saper yg sebenar nyer lagi celupar..? kita atau dia..?
Sigh.....

I was...

A man is born to live..and I am a man. The seductive lure of living must be and need to be appreciated...

Mom is still very much alive in my mind..but like a passing ship, she is somewhere else now..a better place and in good hands, I'm sure..

I dont want to give...

I want more. Not the impossible more, but just more. When I said the impossible..it means the whole festival of relationship

And so I met whathername last nite (I forgot her name , already..!?). She wanted to see me because of err...(sigh..! no point telling.., it was just an excuse anyway..). She sounded nice and pleasant over the phone. She spoke well. And she looks OK at Futsal. But....last nite ~ was a dissappointment. Not that I was harbouring any secret desire to get lucky with a Goddess, but I just want more..
I dont want last nite.
Humor is more, smart is too.... I'm asking too much..??
Maybe but I dont think so...

Going simple....

yup.., i 'm going simple this year..I just wanna be rich. Not trump rich, not Bates rich ( Gates..bukan Bates ) but my rich. I'v done enough time thinkin about money and enough time about getting better. I dont want to think about it anymore. Hey! a man is born to live..not to think about money.

I have spent all of 2006 preparing for 2007..and now it's time to go, time to get lucky (read Dizz's - Safia Brown, on Lucky).

I'm never more certain now that I was made for 2007 and 2007, for me..

I wanna be rich...First round update.

I'm self-willed, I do things that I believe in and I am always passionate abt things that I do- not necessariy in those order..So when i decide on things, I never hv any problem with confidence. It's a good thing actually and it is very important to be confident with whtever u do, but to be over confident? now that is another story. 2007 is the year I want to be rich....to get there (and on this occasion), there are 3 stages that I have to go thru' (so as not to langgar bendul..)..First : Majlis bandaraya Melaka, and then the Exco Pelancongan Negeri, after that the Chief Minister himself.

So when I met and presented my proposal to the people from Majlis Bandaraya Melaka...I was brimming with confidence...that I will be the next rich guy on the block.. After all, I have put in so much into this and I believe I have the best to offer. Well, I was wrong.. tho they said it was good, I failed to ignite or bring up their excitement to the level of begging me to proceed with whtever I'm proposing... Actually I assume too much w/o realising that that was the first time they ever heard of it...

My next stop : Exco Pelancongan Melaka..I'l be better prepared this time. No more assumptions..I'l work on their digestion...before the real moment of truth..

Cya....

The legend of Tembiuh....

Once upon a time..(err no date or period given..), in the village of Tembiuh, Kota Tinggi, Johor, there lived a lady named Siti. To some people, she was Siti Jalang (Siti the Slut), a notorious lady who married 99 men. Each died on the first nite.
The 100th husband however, was an orang pandai ilmu. On the first nite, while she was asleep, he discovered a scorpion coming out of her body. He killed the scorpion leading to Siti's death.
Today, Siti's grave is still in Tembiuh....(it better be..), now enclosed by a sawmill. Some say Tembiuh is scorpion territory, and the people of Tembiuh believes Siti has something to do with that phenomenon - scorpion territory.
I read this story in one of the NST column, a few days ago, written by a guy..
For me..she must have been one hell of a beauty queen , for despite the fact that many men lost their lives on the first nite, many more kept knocking on her door. 100 men all in all..
So was she really notorious..? The people of Tembiuh thought so. It's an enigma that no one said anything about the 100 men, except that 99 of them died.
Remember the old sayings..'kalau kail panjang sejengkal, jangan diduga laut yang dalam'. Well...those 99 men..? their kail.. panjang sejengkal, so why blame the sea and the fish..Why blamed Siti.
I'm sure, except for the first few guys, the rest of the 99 men knew exactly what they were into. Personally I think, this is a story about men- about their passion, their quest, their mission and not forgetting their weaknesses to things of beauty. Blame me, and to tell you the truth, I could have been the 1st or the 2nd or the 3rd man on that Tembiuh list.. but no, you wont find me listed as no. 5, or no.10, or no.28, or 76, what more 99...no way Hose, m not that dead crazy....
So u ladies, beware of men...all men. or is it the other way round..

Procrastination excuse....

Like I said, I never pretend to know all the answers about relationship, about happiness but sometimes ago, I did drop everything and run away to Melaka to err...to see new things? meet new people, get recharged - in a completely new environment. I just wanted to let go of my past, for a new beginning - a very easy, very realistic new beginning. And for a while I did see new things..and I see things more clearly. Problem is, the more I see things, the harder are the knocks on my door - from my past.And it's a huge deal of pressure. No, I'm not talking abt my x, she's great and we are great...separately.
I thought i have found happiness here in Melaka, and I thought I have found myself too, but no matter how much I love Melaka...this life I'm having is suddenly not my kind life, yeah suddenly.
There's more that I want...and there's more out there. And so here I go again... chasing happiness. I dont really know what that is...but I'm chasing anyway.
And I'm pretty sure when I finally get there..there'll be more and more and more..and I'll be chasing again. But here's the real problem...I love it.

Madonna is calling me...

" I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late" - Mark Kauffman.

Somehow ..I got into this conversation with a friend about marriage and happiness. Is there really a relationship between the two..? that to be happy one has got to get married..

Hmm...I agree for some physiological reason, married is better than being single (because researchers discovered that those who never married are more likely to die first than those who married.. o O O mandai je dorang nih) but to link happiness to marriage..?

What is the relationship between happiness and marital status..? I had been in one..and yes, it was fantastic for the first few years, but I cant really say much for the years that followed. I'm not saying I was unhappy..I love her, but you know...the spark and the glint and the splash..they dont stay for long...and that's just the way things go- they just become normal after sometimes. And normal..is actually errr...a normal thing, something that every married couples will have to get used to...eventually. The only problem is..people dont usually get married wanting to be just normal...there have expectations, and they expect their life to be a notch or two up after they got married..at least emotionally. I dont really want to go into expectationn now....

So where was I..? owh..happiness and marital status.... I think marriage brings you unbelievable happiness in the beginning, but after that when things started to become normal..the waning begins..

I dont know..but i believe happiness is a stand alone thing - you can find happiness, married or otherwise..before they become normal again..

Namamu Kini jadi Sebutan

Salam

Welcome