Sweet Nectar of Freedom - A revisit..

This was what I wrote earlier in my Sweet Nectar of Freedom....
" Talk about 'complete'.., am I any less than those guys who have their significant other by their side..? I don't know!, but you figure this out – I don't have to think of the 'right' place to eat, the right thing/color to wear, the right time to go home, the right place to be..in fact I don't have to be right at all, or even proper - not to anybody..(I know..i sound like a sore loser) but the real truth is, I'm just plain bad at being 'complete'. I dont remember birthdays, I don't care about Feb 14, and I hate those rules and conditions. I really don't understand about rules and conditions and I don't want to understand them. They are just some of the irritating things expected of you, when somebody think you belong to them, yes it is annoying. So for 2006 and years and years to come, I don't want to belong to anybody and I don't want anybody to think that I belong to them…and yes I don't want anybody to belong to me either. I hate the prospects, really. I belong to me, now and forever.."

So, that sounds like I dont need the world eh!. Sounds like somebody just walked away from me, sounds like denials even, sounds like Arsene Whinger LOL..
Yeah, maybe I do revisits afterall and I do whatsthatword..? where you look back, at least once a year and try to figure out if you are still on track.., recollection..? reminisce..? No..not romancing-the-past word..
Well nvm, but the point is I was hard on myself, I was stupid, I was empty, I was building unnecessary brickwall, I was spontaneous and I wasn't thinking - it was something out of the blue. The fact is, we have to belong, no man is an island, never on this planet. Everybody needs somebody..it is part and progression of life. Hey I love woman and I love life..BUT
I still hate the prospect of 'belonging', the cultural template of making your partner feel good and validated, and the prospect of going back and going thru..Arrrgghh!
Somehow in times like this..(Hari raya) you do look back and think whether life could have been more..sigh! I could have easily said that my real raya is actually the Ramadhan..and it is! but it's not complete, I want more and I'm sure there's more..

Rasa very earthly...

OK..It's Sat, for sure I'm not here to write abt some mind boggling question of whether time exist or not or whether time is just a measurment for motion. I'm not here to be drawn into any hypotheticalities either - like whether 9/11 would still be what it was had Bush not been the President of USA...OR whether noise during sex....(o O O bulan poser...), yeah..why not! what is the acceptable noise duing sex (level or kind..)...
Hoho..that's not what I want to say in here..wait, allow me to divert kejap, I was born on Sunday..Asfiza kata, dlm buletin dia on Hari-hari dalam Islam " Hari Ahad ada lah hari Allah mencipta dan membangunkan bumi.." - the very day dia cipta dan bangunkan I jugak.. so Dizz, Liz, Fiza..kalo u nak someone earthly..
Damn..apa yang i nak tulis kat sini tadi.., hang on, the Arabs are killing each other now..Palestine vs Hamas, Syiah vs Sunnah, penat jer I bersimpati dgn dorang,,,bakar bendera orang tu, bakar bendera orang ni, tau tau jer..mamat ni tembak mamat tu, mamat tu pulak bom mamat ni..agak nyer dorang ni, kalo idop tak meletop-letop, tak kental kot.
Takpe la, nanti i ingat apa yg i nak tulis tadi..i tulis balik..
for now..i nak gi beli kuih kat pasar ramadan jap...(mesti Dizz meleleh air liur dgr bazar ramadan..) LOL!

Inheritance of ........

The Oslo Natural History Museum concludes that: Homosexuality cannot be viewed as 'unnatural' as it is found throughout the animal kingdom and therefore it is not against nature...
Hmm..so we now turn to the animals for that ray of lights eh...* sigh *
Between naked men and naked women..? no animal kingdom can ever change my mind... LOL!

Patut nyer dorang beraya.....

erm..ok, maybe ethically Mahathir crossed the line, just maybe...tapi dah ramai bapak2 menteri dan kuncu2 nyer yang suruh Mahathir keluar je dari UMNO dan ada jugak yg cadang tarik balik jawatan2 dia. Dorang kata Mahathir dah melampau, dah terlalu celupar. Dorang kata, tak patut Mahathir tuduh mcm2, sbb dulu masa time dia. takde saper pun yang berani cakap apa2 - sumer org takut.
Hmm..apa yg dorang cakap nih..? Takut sgt ker dorang ngan Mahathir dulu..? Takut kene hukum bunuh..? tak kan la tak ikut cakap Mahathir sampai boleh kene bunuh kot..Takut apa lagi..? Takut hilang jawatan..? Hilang kemewahan..?, sampai sanggup buat mende2 yg salah..? or sampai sanggup pejam mata pada mende2 yg tak betul..? semata2 kerana takut..? Apa jadi dgn slogan 'for the people'..? Ke dorang ni takut pasal dorang pun ada buat salah kot..? Whatever..at least mahathir buat apa yg dia rasa betul..but these people..? Urrgh!!
And now they want me to trust them.....
Pasal meeting dia ngan Pak Lah, apasal sumer org marah2 bila mahathir 'tak sabar' tunggu pak lah bagi respon..? Dorang cakap, kan ke pak lah dah tulis sumer dlm buku kecik dia, tunggu jer la...
Tapi.....isu2 yg mahathir bagitau kat pak lah tu bukan la isu2 baru...dia dah lama bangkitkan isu2 tu di merata tempat, termasuk la dlm media2, dlm roadshow, dlm mcm2 lagi..dan sumer org pun dah tau apa isu2 itu...tapi cara pak lah amik nota, mcm that was the first time dia dgr sumer tu...and all mahathir got at the end of the meeting was another 'I'll get back to you..' Personally la, I rasa kalo takat nak bagi dia another i'll get back to you, tak yah la susah2 nak adakan meeting, buang masa jer. Toksahkan mahathir, i sendiri pun rasa disappointed with the outcome of that meeting..
I ingat lagi..o O O dulu, masa mahathir cakap ada conspiracies dlm perang Iraq, dalam 9/11, dlm hal2 Palestine - most western powers kata his theories were outrageous, despicable and extreme. But no matter..he stood by his claims because he believes. In fact, most Muslim world stood by him and we..? we cheered his outspokenness, with full of pride.
Now..when he made another stand for what he believes, kita kata dia gila lah, pembelot lah, tak sedar diri lah, nyanyok lah, merepek lah, nak jatuhkan negara lah.....apa!? nak jatuhkan negara..?? sampai mcm tu kita tuduh dia..?
Hey...apa salah nyer dia mempersoalkan tindakan2 kerajaan? Adakah sebarang persoalan terhadap tindak tanduk kerajaan, membayangkan ketidaksetiaan kita pada negara..? Cetek betul....
And just because dorang takut nak mempersoalkan tindakan dia dulu, does not mean dia jugak tak boleh or tak patut mempersoalkan tindakan dorang sekarang....mathematics dia tak mcm tu...
And yet, dengan tak pelat kita bercakap tentang open and intellectual discussions, tentang ketelusan, tentang perbezaan pendapat, tentang good governance...
Actually, saper yg sebenar nyer lagi celupar..? kita atau dia..?
Sigh.....

I was...

A man is born to live..and I am a man. The seductive lure of living must be and need to be appreciated...

Mom is still very much alive in my mind..but like a passing ship, she is somewhere else now..a better place and in good hands, I'm sure..

I dont want to give...

I want more. Not the impossible more, but just more. When I said the impossible..it means the whole festival of relationship

And so I met whathername last nite (I forgot her name , already..!?). She wanted to see me because of err...(sigh..! no point telling.., it was just an excuse anyway..). She sounded nice and pleasant over the phone. She spoke well. And she looks OK at Futsal. But....last nite ~ was a dissappointment. Not that I was harbouring any secret desire to get lucky with a Goddess, but I just want more..
I dont want last nite.
Humor is more, smart is too.... I'm asking too much..??
Maybe but I dont think so...

Going simple....

yup.., i 'm going simple this year..I just wanna be rich. Not trump rich, not Bates rich ( Gates..bukan Bates ) but my rich. I'v done enough time thinkin about money and enough time about getting better. I dont want to think about it anymore. Hey! a man is born to live..not to think about money.

I have spent all of 2006 preparing for 2007..and now it's time to go, time to get lucky (read Dizz's - Safia Brown, on Lucky).

I'm never more certain now that I was made for 2007 and 2007, for me..