This was what I wrote earlier in my Sweet Nectar of Freedom....
" Talk about 'complete'.., am I any less than those guys who have their significant other by their side..? I don't know!, but you figure this out – I don't have to think of the 'right' place to eat, the right thing/color to wear, the right time to go home, the right place to be..in fact I don't have to be right at all, or even proper - not to anybody..(I know..i sound like a sore loser) but the real truth is, I'm just plain bad at being 'complete'. I dont remember birthdays, I don't care about Feb 14, and I hate those rules and conditions. I really don't understand about rules and conditions and I don't want to understand them. They are just some of the irritating things expected of you, when somebody think you belong to them, yes it is annoying. So for 2006 and years and years to come, I don't want to belong to anybody and I don't want anybody to think that I belong to them…and yes I don't want anybody to belong to me either. I hate the prospects, really. I belong to me, now and forever.."
So, that sounds like I dont need the world eh!. Sounds like somebody just walked away from me, sounds like denials even, sounds like Arsene Whinger LOL..
Yeah, maybe I do revisits afterall and I do whatsthatword..? where you look back, at least once a year and try to figure out if you are still on track.., recollection..? reminisce..? No..not romancing-the-past word..
Well nvm, but the point is I was hard on myself, I was stupid, I was empty, I was building unnecessary brickwall, I was spontaneous and I wasn't thinking - it was something out of the blue. The fact is, we have to belong, no man is an island, never on this planet. Everybody needs somebody..it is part and progression of life. Hey I love woman and I love life..BUT
I still hate the prospect of 'belonging', the cultural template of making your partner feel good and validated, and the prospect of going back and going thru..Arrrgghh!
Somehow in times like this..(Hari raya) you do look back and think whether life could have been more..sigh! I could have easily said that my real raya is actually the Ramadhan..and it is! but it's not complete, I want more and I'm sure there's more..